


Christmas 8 Years Ago

by tailorlilbaker



Series: Missing Scenes [1]
Category: The Bob Crane Show (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 13:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailorlilbaker/pseuds/tailorlilbaker
Summary: "I was playing Santa, and there was this cute little reindeer. She got her antlers caught in my bag of gifts." A look back at the incident 8 years ago at the office Christmas party that had Bob's nose twitching, as mentioned in "But I Love My Wife".





	Christmas 8 Years Ago

Ellie tossed gently as the pitch black of night engulfed her. She wasn’t sure why it was taking so long for her to fall asleep. She shivered under the covers and wondered if the lack of body heat next to her had anything to do with it. She would’ve accompanied her husband, Bob, to the annual office Christmas party had their young daughter, Pam, not grown ill just before they had to leave. Ellie insisted she stay home to take care of her while Bob, being the host of the big night, attend the party without her. She didn’t think she was tossing because he wasn’t home yet, but she slowly realized winter nights only felt chilly without him.

The soft clink of jingle bells broke Ellie from her thoughts. She sat up, wary of the noise growing closer to her. When the bedroom door opened, she leaned over to turn on the lamp on her nightstand. A tall man clad in a familiar red suit looked at her, his eyes squinting to adjust to the sudden light.

“What are you still doing up, hon?”

Ellie let out a soft breath. It was just Bob. While she _was_ expecting him home from the party around this time, she hadn’t expected to see him dressed up as he was.

“I _was_ trying to sleep, but I heard the bells from your little get-up there,” she replied, steadying her breath. “I didn’t realize I’d be getting an early visit from St. Nick.”

Bob looked at himself and chuckled. “Oh, yeah. I guess this is a _little_ different than what I left the house in… I’m sorry, El, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s all right,” she said. “I wasn’t really asleep yet. So how did _you_ end up in the suit? I thought Charlie McCready was supposed to be Santa this year.”

“He was,” Bob answered as he slid off the coat, “but he couldn’t make it. His car wouldn’t start. Naturally, as host, I took the liberty to fill in his role.”

“Why didn’t you leave the costume at the office?”

“There was a… _slight_ issue with the suit I came in, so I didn’t have any clothes to leave in by the end of the night besides these.” She thought she detected a slight edge in his voice, but she couldn’t figure out why. It quickly passed. “Might I say it… _suits_ me well?”

Ellie laughed softly and shook her head. “ _No_ , you may not.”

Bob grinned and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning into her gently. “Well, then might I say that I missed my Mrs. Claus tonight?”

A few patches of brown fuzz on Bob’s thighs caught Ellie’s eye. “What’s this?” she asked, pinching some out of the suit.

Bob looked at his lap and cleared his throat slightly. “Oh, um… that’s nothing, honey…”

Ellie looked up at her husband as he scratched his exposed neck slightly and noticed red smears blending into his blushing skin. “Bob, what’s that on your neck?”

Bob’s nose twitched — a sure sign she’d picked up that something was bothering him. “Now, honey, don’t get excited,” he started, “it’s all _very_ simple to explain—”

“I’d love to hear it,” Ellie calmly challenged, crossing her arms. Despite growing more and more skeptical, she knew she had to keep her cool and let him speak. Not only did she want to avoid waking their daughter in the next room, but she wanted to know all the facts of the matter. In their ten years of marriage, Bob had always been faithful and honest with her. She had no reason to jump to conclusions — there _had_ to be a simple explanation for it all, just like he said.

“What happened was, one of the reindeer got her antlers caught in my bag of gifts.”

Perhaps “simple” was the wrong word.

Ellie stared at her husband, dumbfounded by his answer. “She got her _what_ in your _what?!_ ”

“Look, it’s not what you think,” Bob explained, suddenly realizing his poor choice in description (or lack thereof). “One of the interns, Margie — she was dressed as a reindeer, and, uh… Well, she was a little tipsy and wanted to sit in my lap — you know, being dressed as Santa and all—”

“You mean to tell me,” Ellie responded, “that you let her sit in your _lap?_ ”

“No, of course not!” Bob exclaimed. “I tried to stay in character, so I told her that if she didn’t stop, she’d end up on the ‘Naughty List’ and wouldn’t get any Christmas gifts. She tried to convince me that she _would_ get a Christmas gift and that there were probably already some in my bag of gifts — the prop bag of gifts we set out for the party. Anyway, she opened it and tried climbing inside to find some. Her antlers got caught, and we had to pull her out.”

“So where did the fuzz come from?”

“Well, I tried pulling her body out, while Dave Kelsey from accounting tried pulling the bag off. I guess part of her costume rubbed off on me.”

Ellie eyed him. “And what about the lipstick on your neck?”

“Lipstick?” Bob hesitantly felt his neck and peered at what rubbed onto his fingers. His nose twitched faster. “Oh, that… well… she, uh… she _did_ try to kiss me. As a way to thank me for helping her. But I pushed her off right away, Ellie, and gave it to her _straight_. Told her that she could lose her internship for trying to fool around with me. And most importantly, that I’m a _very happily married_ man to the most _loving_ and _understanding_ wife in the world with a _beautiful_ daughter. How is she, by the way? Has her temperature gone down?”

“She’s doing better, but _you’re_ still in hot water, mister, so don’t think you’ll get off so easy,” Ellie countered. “What was the ‘slight issue’ with your clothes that you couldn’t wear them home?”

Bob chuckled ruefully. “Margie got upset that I rejected her and threatened her internship. She saw my clothes hanging on the coat rack and dumped punch on them.” He lifted a bag of clothes he’d set on the floor that, sure enough, were soaked in scarlet. “Do you think we can get it out?”

Ellie sighed, looking at the time. “I’ll try to get it to the cleaners first thing in the morning if Pam’s temperature’s gone. I’m sorry for getting short with you, Bob. I know you wouldn’t lie to me, but… you have to admit, the evidence _did_ seem kinda fishy…”

“I don’t blame you,” Bob agreed. “I’m not sure how much _I’d_ believe me if I were in your shoes. I can’t say I’m that great of a storyteller.”

“Oh, I already know _that_.” Ellie shook her head. “Remember the time you tried to tell Pam about Goldilocks and the Three Bears and kept trying to shoe Little Red Riding Hood in there too?”

“They’re both little girls in the woods!” Bob defended. “So what if I get them mixed up sometimes…”

“Gretel’s in the woods too,” Ellie grinned, “but she and Hansel never made a cameo, did they?”

Bob smiled and pecked her lips. “You’re right, Ellie. You’re always right.”

Ellie yawned and looked at the time again. “Can we please put this behind us and go to bed?” she asked.

“Glad to,” he replied. “I’ll be right in soon.”

Ellie settled back into bed, her remaining worries fading until the next morning: Pam’s temperature, Bob’s suit, grocery shopping for Christmas dinner, and anything else she needed to get done before the holidays. 

Little did she know that Bob’s own worries had yet to fade completely.

As he got ready for bed, earlier moments from before the office Christmas party began, the pieces of his story that Ellie hadn’t asked him, lingered in the back of his mind: the conversation between him and Margie about each others’ costumes as they both strolled in the hall to the lounge, their slightly flirtatious-yet-innocent banter, the brief kiss they shared (which he swore was an accident, he never meant for it to happen), and the even briefer flicker of a thought of what it could lead to. But images of Ellie and Pam instantly washed away his temptation — that, and the sound of someone else’s footsteps nearby. From there, he avoided Margie as best he could for the rest of the night. He knew what they did was wrong, completely wrong, and he could never let it happen again.

_It was just a kiss_ , he reminded himself, _a little kiss. It didn’t mean anything_.

But for a moment…

Bob rolled under the covers next to his wife and gently scooped her sleeping form into his arms. What he said to Margie was true — Ellie _was_ loving and understanding, and he was eternally grateful for her. She was his soul mate, and he was completely devoted to her. He wouldn’t dare to lose what they had together, not even for the world. The day they were married, he vowed to never hurt her, to never leave her side, and he intended to keep that vow — even after everything that went on that night.

Ellie’s body nestled against his, and he kissed her head gently.

What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

**Author's Note:**

>  _The Bob Crane Show_ raises a lot of questions that, unfortunately, will never be answered. The "cute little reindeer" who "got her antlers caught in [Bob's] bag of gifts" at the office Christmas party 8 years ago is one of them. After seeing the mess that was Bob trying to explain to Ellie why his shirt was wrinkled and covered in pink fuzz upon returning home from Janet's apartment ("Her waterbed broke") in "But I Love My Wife", I couldn't help but try to imagine how he would've tried to explain _this_ situation. I didn't have a lot to go off on, so much of it was based off of context clues and other subtleties, but I did my best~


End file.
